Quarantining with a Partner (and Way Too Many Ants!)
Dear Em and Lil,
Hello! How do I tell my boyfriend that I’m uncomfortable hanging out at his house because it has too many ants?
Sincerely,
Inter-Species Quarantine
EM: I’m not a huge fan of ants. But, notably, ants aren’t a huge fan of ants. The quickest way to get rid of the ants is to introduce a competing ant colony into the home. Simply scavenge your local park for an anthill (no need to be particular; any anthill will do), scoop it into your satchel or day bag and hit the road. Wait for your boyfriend to go to the bathroom and unleash the competing ant colony into a discrete area. Soon, the two ant tribes will be at each other’s throats and your problem will be sorted. That... or one ant colony will emerge victorious, likely emboldened by battle. In this situation, evacuation is the recommended next step.
But in all seriousness, your boyfriend needs to clean his house. You are justified in requesting that he uphold a certain baseline of cleanliness if he wants you to visit. If your boyfriend refuses to clean up, this is an indication that he is not prioritizing your needs and you should consider taking a step back from the relationship.
LIL: I don’t know if I completely agree with Em on this one. Yes, sometimes you get bugs because the house is dirty. But sometimes it’s just because it’s an older building, or not that airtight. Whether the house is filthy or your boyfriend is dealing with the first in a series of Biblical plagues, you’re going to catch more ants with honey. Tensions can run high if you’re stuck at home, so approach the situation with scientific curiosity rather than blame. Ask him how long the infestation has been going on. Can he observe where they’re coming from, or what attracts them (so, if it is indeed that pile of loose sugar on the counter, maybe you can get him to connect the dots.) If he really doesn’t care about the ants at all, be direct in telling him you do, and to feel at home there, you’re going to need to see him put some effort into solving the problem. But my guess is that he minds the ants too— he just doesn’t know what to do about them.
Here’s ant trapping method that’s been handed down for generations (well, one generation) in the Lil family. You’ll need a plastic container with a lid, that you don’t mind cutting up. Cut some little triangles out from around the rim. Then, in the lid, mix together equal parts sugar and borax, and spray or drip in a little bit of water. Set the container lid-side down in a main ant zones. If you have pets, it’s probably better to keep it up on a counter. Sugar attracts ants, and borax is poisonous to them. The amazing thing about this is that the first few ants that get trapped send a chemical signal back to the rest of their guys saying, “don’t come here! It’s not safe!” So, instead of continuing to be drawn to the trap, meaning they would keep marching through the house on their way to it, they will pretty quickly learn to just stop coming to visit you at all. Isn’t that cool? Ants are super fascinating, and I can appreciate that because I’m not sharing a living space with them! I hope the same will soon be true for you and your boyfriend.
