My Boyfriend is Letting me FREEZE!
Dear Em and Lil,
I recently moved in with my boyfriend! All has been going well and it’s really perfectly splendid. Unfortunately, as it becomes colder in New England the thermostat war has begun. He likes the thermostat set to 68 degrees, but I prefer 69 degrees. I have some circulation problems so I get cold very easily despite being well bundled. I try to speak up but my voice is so shaky because I’m so cold. My fingertips are purple.
Also, does the fact that he doesn’t want the thermostat set to 69 degrees means he is no longer attracted to me sexually?
Thank you,
Hard nips and temperature dips
LIL: Unfortunately for you, Hard Nips, it’s the opposite! Clearly, what gets your boyfriend going is goosebump, stuffy noses, and blue lips. He won’t turn up the thermostat because he wants you looking all sexy in thick socks and multiple sweaters.
The usual rule of thumb is to keep the heat on the lower side since you can always put on more layers. But you’ve already done your best with that, and since it hasn’t helped, it’s time to turn up the heat (by a measly one degree!) I took the liberty of googling “68 or 69 degrees thermostat,” and it looks like the change will increase your bill by around 1% per month. As a compromise, you can turn the temperature up during the day and down at night, as long as your boyfriend is okay with you warming your icy hands up on him while you fall asleep.
Winter is (in my opinion) terrible and there are very few things you can do to make it better. This is a simple and very small sacrifice that your boyfriend can do to make your winter a little less Laura Ingalls Wilder. Sharing a space with a partner sometimes means choosing your battles; here’s a battle that your boyfriend can easily not choose!
EM: Ordinarily, letter writer, I would passive aggressively inform you of the striking environmental impact of blasting heat (I’m not fun at parties). It is unfortunate and paradoxical that heating our homes heats the planet; it is even more ironic that keeping our homes cool in the summer warms the planet immensely. However, your own physical and mental health are the priority.
Everything has an environmental impact. Eating food (even vegan, Marxist lentils) has an environmental impact. Transportation has an impact, whether by car, bus, or even bicycle (microplastics from the friction between your wheels and pavement). Reading this column has an environmental impact. Lillian and I wouldn’t advise that you stop eating, but we certainly wouldn’t advise you stop reading!
Considering your circulation problems, your boyfriend should respect your need for a warm home. If he fails to do so, the question you should be asking is if you are still sexually attracted to him!
One final note: there is easy/cheap stuff to do to make your home better insulated! I essentially plastic wrap my windows every year to help keep in the heat. Check it out!
