Girl Power vs. Dad Power
Dear Em and Lil,
I have to buy a new car, but I’m not sure how to negotiate and I’m nervous about getting ripped off. Is it undermining my independence and adult status if I bring my dad? For context, I am a 25 year old woman and I want a good deal! My dad can be intimidating which for the first time in my life could be useful!
Sincerely,
New Car Newbie
EM: It is so totally fine, even advisable, to bring your dad car shopping. Since you are asking this question, I assume that your dad has some experience buying, or even fixing up cars. But even if this isn’t the case, your dad probably has insight from his numerous (jk I don’t know your dad) years spent on planet earth. Even if your dad were somehow the same age as you, it would still be great and helpful to have him for a second opinion!
But let’s get into the subtext that underlies this question: you assume that independent and adult women should not ask for help from others. Put another way, any fully functioning adult woman should have a cursory knowledge of all subjects and not have to ask for nothin’ from no one.
Debunked! Lots of folks have achieved their status as functional adults by asking for help when they need it. In fact, having a mentor (a slightly older adult who has been there and done that) is one of the best ways to get ahead in your craft/career. Actually, Lil, we should find ourselves a cool advice column mentor!
I also want to speak to the underlying assumptions about gender. In response to the marginalization that women have faced throughout the 20th century, and for SO many centuries before, a new strong independent woman trope has emerged in real life and pop culture. This lady is commanding, good at shit, and she doesn’t ask for help.
It is time for this trope to move aside. Real life women, men and nonbinary folks have successes and challenges. Asking for help does not make you any less womyn, it just makes you human.
Congratulations on securing the means to get a car. In short, go ahead and bring dad along!
LIL: I don’t think it’s going out on too much of a limb to say that an intimidating, middle-aged man is likely to get considered differently (and probably taken more seriously) than a young woman, especially in a situation that has to do with cars. With the way society is, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bringing your dad, and I definitely don’t think it calls your independence into question one bit.
Plus, this is exactly the kind of thing that a lot of dads really like to do! Bargaining down a car for his daughter is basically the dad’s version of an escape room. With Father’s Day coming right up, this could be just the thing to give him!
If your dad a lot of big opinions, make sure he knows you’re still the boss in this negotiation, even though you’re bringing him on as a consultant. It’s your car, your money, and your decision what to buy and at what price. Plus, consultants have limited contracts— just because he helps out with the negotiation doesn’t mean he automatically gets a say in things like future repairs or where you get your oil changed. You can continue to ask him for, and appreciate, his help when you decide it makes sense, and make choices independently when you prefer to do that.
Also, it’s worth asking your dad about his tricks for negotiating, and for general knowledge about buying cars that he thinks is important to know. After learning more about how negotiation works, you may feel more confident in this purchase and future ones. You’ll also be showing your dad (and yourself) that you made the choice to bring him because you understand what will get you the best deal, not because you are in any way helpless.
