Em and Lil’s Post-Breakup Playlist
Dear Em and Lil,
I am going through a nasty breakup. Do you have any recommendations for movies, music or even food that can help get me through it? Should I go with screamo or Sarah McLachlan?
Sincerely,
Broken Hearted
EM: One quick note, and then I will get into the recs. Sad music has been found to worsen, not improve your mood. The linked study states that, “for some, listening to sad music may be a maladaptive strategy, as it may worsen depressed or sad mood.” Music, and other entertainment, can influence your mood immensely. Angsty music can make you angsty, poppy music can make you happy and Tsungi horn can make you question your destiny/honor and fight the Firelord.
Music:
Mac Demarco: Why is this Spongebob music so insightful? This is going to sound bizarre, but for me the casualness of the music takes me to an almost meditative place. You can approach your own life with levity or intensity. Intense things will happen and they are a part of the human experience. But they have happened before and will happen again. There is light and love and everything will be okay.
Dertli Dolap: This video really touches me. There is something primordial about this melody; I know nothing about what it is saying but can attest with certainty that it speaks to the human experience.
Film:
500 Days of Summer: When you break up with someone, you are not just losing the person. You are losing the entire future you imagined with them: all of the dreams you shared, all of your future plans and visions. This somewhat anti-romantic movie helps snap you out of the state of idealizing. You need to look at your situation for real, no overdramatizing or idealizing. Your partner had positive and negative attributes. You will most likely not get back together. You will most likely (but not certainly) find someone you love more when you let go of love that is in the past.
Over the Garden Wall: This movie is about whimsy and love. Watch it.
Leena Norm's Recs: This is a meta-experience we are now entering. I am recommending you a recommendation. This woman is my favorite YouTuber, and she is fantastic. She prescribes films to help you hear your broken heart.
Books:
It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: This one is gonna sting to read. The author, Greg Behrendt, is going to call you out on all of your cringey behavior. You’re going to hate it. You may bargain with him; your situation is unique and your ex was just going through something. NO! You deserve better, and this book will shame you out of groveling back to the person who broke your heart.
Tiny Beautiful Things: Nothing like advice that is measurably superior to mine! This book made me want to become an advice columnist. Read it, it is very worth it.
Spinster: This book was impactful for me because it challenged the very assumption that one does need a partner, a man/husband, to be well and navigate the world.
A New Earth: Finally, Eckhart Tolle. This writer is perhaps the most impactful I have ever encountered. I would describe Tolle’s work as residing in the space between translating/secularizing Eastern wisdom and synthesizing the wisdom of most major world religions. If you follow Tolle’s advice, you will be happy or at the very least fulfilled. I have not yet managed to follow his advice. I am, however, undoubtedly more at peace for having encountered it.
Leena Norm's Recs: Once again outsourcing to my favorite YouTuber, this time for books. Letter writer, please do get well soon.
LIL: I’m glad Emma gave you this wonderful list of ideas, because as it happens, I’m also going through a very difficult time due to my worst fear coming true (someone is asking me to recommend music.) Double unlucky for me— and you— this comes at a time when Taylor Swift has just released her second surprise album of the year. Not only can I not stop listening to it, but I can barely remember that other music exists. So, considering that, I recommend the song “no body, no crime” by, of course, Taylor Swift. It’s about a woman murdering her friend’s no good, cheating husband in an act of revenge. And in general, since you’re looking for music that walks the line between screamo and Sarah McGlaughlin, the multitude of country songs about women murdering their no good, cheating husbands could be just right (just a few examples). Yes, as Emma said, the music you listen to informs your mood. And of course, your break up may be more of a grey area/mutual decision/bad situation but no bad guy one. But it’s okay if one of the emotions you feel is anger, and it’s okay if you need to perversely delight in that for one or a few songs.
But to end things on a happier note, I also recommend my favorite movie, “Penguin Slips on Ice and Makes an Adorable Sound.” This might be clear from the title, but make sure to watch with the volume up!
Oh— and you also asked for food recommendations! My ultimate comfort food is popcorn. It’s easy to make, and can be healthy if you’re into that, since it’s mostly air. Or, eat it Lil-style with obscene amounts of melted butter!
