To Roommate or not to Roommate?
Dear Em and Lil,
Hi guys! I am 30 and recently moved to the city. I am living alone and dating. I met someone at my complex and we are trying to decide if we should live together. We get along but would living together potentially make finding a partner more or less difficult? I would have my own big bedroom and bathroom and the rent is way less. I haven't lived with someone since college! What do I do?
Sincerely,
My Complex is Complex
EM: Disclaimer: your advice is being given by two extremely cheap ladies. We like to save money and will go to any length to serve that end. Order 50 lbs of oats so the unit price drops? Yes, please. Go to Dunkin at closing time to increase your likelihood of free muffins? Sure. Scour the sale section of the grocery store and stock up on gluten free snacks (we aren’t gluten free.) Done it, and would do it again.
I have never heard of anyone failing to find love because of a roommate. Never heard, “You are my soulmate but I sure wish you spent more on rent!” Anyone who is worthy of dating would not just take your housing situation in stride, but would be friendly toward anyone who is a mainstay in your life.
Based on your letter, go for it! You will save money and potentially make a new friend. But most important of all, you will continue to have your own bathroom.
LIL: The only caveat from me is that living with a roommate again after some time might be a bigger change than you’re expecting. Like Em said, dating likely won’t be much different— but dating is only one part of your life. If you’re set in your ways and like your routines and home just so, you might need to be more flexible once you’re sharing a space. Being roommates with someone is also different than being friends, and sometimes unexpected tension crops up. Since you already know this person, notice how they do things in their apartment and think ahead about the ways that one or both of you might need to compromise.
All that said, saving money seems worth it to me! If you end up having guests around a lot, make sure that you’re being considerate. Don’t be super loud late at night if your roommate has an early morning, and do any chores that come from having extra people around. Make sure your roommate doesn’t feel like they need to hole up and stay out of your way all the time when it’s their home too. Once, when I was getting ready for work, a former roommate’s boyfriend rolled out of her room and said, “I’m going to call you stumpy because you walk with great purpose, like a T-Rex.” As long as none of your dates, say that, things should be good!
