I Told Him It’s NOT Funny!

Dear Em and Lil,

This is going to be a weird one I promise... Can't say I'm able to solve this problem myself and it's a little embarrassing to ask a friend about it considering the fact that almost all my friends know my partner. So here it is: I have been in a heterosexual relationship with this guy for like 7 months and every time we have sex he does this thing called "mangina" (hiding his penis between his legs) after intercourse. It all started as a joke ~3 months ago. When he first did it I laughed, he laughed etc. Second time I was anxious laughing, and the third time I told him that it's not funny anymore. He kept doing it. I am not sure if he'd like to experience the change of so called "roles" or if he's into something else, or is it purely a bad sense of humor. What am I supposed to do with this? He's a goofy guy but it's hard to understand when the joke ends or starts. Also I do not want to hurt his feelings if it's not a joke. It'll be great to hear any kind of recommendation to be honest.

Sincerely,

Concerned Girlfriend

LIL: Em and I talked about doing something topical for the election tomorrow, but decided to respond to your question instead. November 3 is one day, manginas are forever!

I agree with you that this is probably nothing more than a played-out joke. When you’re a kid and you have a crush on someone, you don’t realize that’s what it is— you just know you want to bug them so they react! Some people grow out of that, but many don’t. Annoying your loved ones is one of life’s pleasures; if they don’t think you’re being funny that just makes it better.

There are also people who think saying the same joke over and over is genuinely funny. That type of person has been on my mind lately, since a new Borat movie just came out. There is a bit of a humor language barrier between people who need to say “nice” every time they see the number 69 and people who just don’t. No argument will convince him that it’s not funny anymore if he still thinks it is.

Instead, here’s what I think you should do. The next time he does the mangina, ask him, “hey, it seems like you might be trying to tell me something that you want. Do you want to talk about exploring that during sex, or try out different roles in the bedroom?” Approach it with sensitivity and compassion. For this strategy to work, you want him to know you’re taking him seriously and you really care. If he is doing this to communicate some deeper desire, he’ll feel more comfortable talking about it. And if it is indeed just a joke, you will have effectively ruined it for him.

EM:  I must admit that when I read this, I laughed too! I have heard of a titillating mangina, but never one that has had the power to come between a loving couple.

Based on Occam’s Razor, I surmise that your boyfriend is suffering from a case of not-that-funny. He made a joke once and it got a laugh, so naturally he needs to make the joke again and again until you tear him a new one (tee hee hee).

Above, Lil tackled the unlikely scenario that your boyfriend is serious about his special area. So I will tackle the likely scenario that your boyfriend is a little annoying/unresponsive to your cues. You may or may not care that he is a couple inches short in the funny department. For some people (like Lil), funny is their #1 priority in a partner. For others, funny may fall lower on the list of priorities. Even bigger than the turnoff of an unwanted mangina is the turnoff of a consistently unfunny man. Wherever funny may fall on your list, you are well within your rights to break up with this guy if he doesn’t make you laugh.

If you decide to continue in your relationship, Concerned, I encourage you to take some of your boyfriend’s behavior in stride. Based on my crystal ball, your boyfriend will continue to do annoying and occasionally baffling shit. (Hopefully) most of these behaviors will be innocuous. But if something that comes up that pushes you beyond your comfort zone, take the opportunity to investigate and ask your boyfriend to explain. His answer will make it clear if the behavior is quirky or if it is a major red flag.